When I was little, I acted much more autistic than I do now. I was a classically autistic child, which means that I was socially aloof, uncommunicative, and non-verbal. I did the same things the same ways all the time, and I freaked out anytime anything was changed from its One True State of Being, that state being the state that it was being the first time that I became aware of it being any state at all.
Most of my autistic traits were towards the not mild end of the spectrum for those traits, so overall, I fit the stereotype of the classically autistic child who lived in her own world, did her own thing, and was oblivious to the world of the other hooomans all around her. With the other world, I interacted as the exception rather than the rule, the exceptions occurring monthly rather than weekly, daily, or hourly.
As an adult, I no longer act like the classically autistic child that I was. I am no longer socially aloof, uncommunicative, or non-verbal. Instead, I am social, communicative, and verbal, but in an autistic, not typical, way.
I am social in an autistic way, meaning that I don’t really like to socialize, and I don’t really want to socialize, and I don’t really need to socialize, but I know the idea of socializing, something that I didn’t know when I was a child and didn’t respond to my own name much of the time. I also know that my idea of socializing is not the same as most people’s idea of socializing. My idea, or ideal, of socializing is sitting in the same room with people I like while they are doing their own thing, and I am doing my own thing, and we are talking to or making faces at each other every fifteen minutes or so for a couple of hours at a time. A great place to do this is the library, where the librarian will shush you if you talk more than this awesome autistic amount that is just right for this awesome autistic way of socializing.
(Shhhhhhh! No talking!)
I am communicative in an autistic way, meaning that I am good at communicating about things I like, but I don’t really need or want to communicate about these things or most other things either. From my perspective, most communications are unnecessary, the more in-person, the more unnecessary. For me, communication is a last resort, which I use when I absolutely have to accost someone or other for something or other that I can’t possibly access myself. For example, I don’t ask people questions that I can answer myself. I only ask people questions that I absolutely can’t answer myself, not by googling or learning or thinking or thinking in the shower, a great place to think in an awesome autistic way, by the way.
(Water, water everywhere, and many thoughts to think…)
I am verbal in an autistic way, meaning that I can translate my thoughts in pictures into words to stream what is in my mind into other people’s minds for other people to know and understand, sometimes well and sometimes ill, but more well than ill more of the time. Unlike most people, I don’t have a stream of words streaming through my mind most of the time, so I only have a stream of words streaming through my mind when I turn on the stream from the source, which is usually a thought as a picture, detailed, clearstalcrys, and byoootiful. Unlike most people, I don’t use pictures as visual aides to supplement my verbal thoughts. Instead, the pictures are the thoughts themselves, and the words are verbal aides to communicate my thoughts to other people, source to stream, dream to course.
(Water, water everywhere, all frozen at the rink…)
Here is the source for this post:
Here is the stream for this source:
When I was a little, I was a classically autistic child who didn’t know anything about socializing, communicating, or lingualizing. I was socially aloof, uncommunicative, and non-verbal for a long time, which means that I didn’t know anything about socializing, communicating, or lingualizing, because I didn’t learn anything about any of these things in any of the ways in which typical children learn many things about many of these things, picking up on them naturally just by existing in a world full of hooomans socializing and communicating and lingualizing constantly.
Because I was autistic, the typical ways didn’t work for me, but I must have learned these things somehow, because I can do all of them today. I can do all of them today, because I learned to do them in my own ways.
From almost nothing to good enough, I leveled up. I leveled up in these things that I was not naturally good at and had no natural instinct to do, because I leveled up in my own ways, the autistic ways that succeeded after the typical ways had failed. If I had not leveled up in my own ways, then I would not have leveled up at all. Teaching a blind person to see with her eyes would not have worked to teach her to see, nor would teaching a deaf person to hear with her ears have worked to teach her to hear. Instead, teach her to see with her hands or hear with her eyes.
Like her, I leveled up in this way…
…the way in which a cat falls up.
Most cats leap up to land themselves onto your bed to slumber, purrr, and furrr their hairs and hairballs all over your covers and sheets. To do the same thing in a different way, this cat falls up to slumber, purrr, and furrr her hairs and hairballs between the pillows instead.
My course of awesome autistic development in my awesome autistic ways was different from the course of tubular typical development in tubular typical ways, and I will blog about these awesome autistic ways in future posts in this series, just in case they help other awesome autistic people do the same things the same ways time and time again.
Most importantly, I did not become social, communicative, and verbal from becoming less autistic and more typical. Instead, I became social, communicative, and verbal from becoming more autistic, from developing more of my naturally autistic cognition to do more things in my naturally autistic way.
One of the things that I like to do is blog about the things that I like to blog about, and I only learned to do that in the past year or so.
Here is how I blog in my own way:
Think some thoughts in pictures.
Make some pictures onpaper.
Make some pictures onscreen.
Translate from pictures to words.
Dream about slurping up butterflies as a cat with a long frog tongue.
Sighhh…Maybe this is why my posts always turn into something terterly Jeepers Creepers.